Leave a tender moment alone
by mysticpotion
Summary: Set after season seven finale. Wilson visits House in Jail and they have a competition on sorts. Slash eventually!
1. Chapter 1

Okay guys this links in with, **Can't**_** bring myself to hate you as i'd like**_, another piece I have written. So if you're desperate to know what's written on the paper to Wilson ( simply House writing down his raw thoughts and feelings about Wilson and things surrounding season seven finale and so forth), then you need to read that first or after this, doesn't matter which way you choose to do it. Oh and I don't think you'll necessarily need to read the other one for this to make sense, (as will be revealed in the next chapter) so whatever you choose to do enjoy! And please review!

**Leave a tender moment alone**

_House is sitting on the jail floor staring absentmindedly into space. Next to him is his suit jacket, bottle of vicodin, his cane, two pieces of paper, a pen and two envelopes. _

_Wilson enters _

**Wilson**: 'We have to stop meeting like this.'

**House**: 'Of all the slammers, in all the towns, in all the world, he walks into mine.'

_Wilson places his hands on his waist and walks closer to the jail bars. He doesn't look impressed._

**House**: 'Oh I'm sorry Wilson, I thought we were having an overused phrases and quotes competition.'

**Wilson**: 'In that case, I must ask, when they dragged your ass back from Hawaii which one of them said 'book em danno'?'

_House smiles and begins to stare at Wilson. The smile soon fades and he is all of a sudden serious looking._

**House**: 'How did you know? I told them not to...'

**Wilson**: 'And that's why I told them if they found you to make sure that I was the first person that they called, even if you told them not to.'

_House nods his head and there is an awkward silence until Wilson starts to speak._

**Wilson**: 'What the hell happened House?'

**House**: 'I finally did what you told me to do Jimmy, you should be happy. I'm listening to you for a change.'

**Wilson**: 'Funny, I don't remember telling you to play Russian roulette with six people's lives.'

**House**: 'Well I was only technically aiming the hypothetical gun at one person.'

**Wilson**: 'Oh well then! Why didn't you say this sooner! That makes everything okay, all is forgiven!'

_Wilson paces to the other side of the room, then back again. He takes his jacket off, sits on the bench with his legs stretched out, loosens his tie and runs his fingers through his hair._

**House**: 'You don't look good; in fact you look like shit.'

**Wilson**: 'Oh I'm sorry. I will remember to shower, shave and wear a three piece suit the next time I visit you...in prison...'

_Wilson straightens his tie back up. He doesn't catch House smirk at this action. Instead he continues talking._

**Wilson**: 'I haven't slept much. The police haven't been the only ones scouring the country looking for you, you know. Predictable phrase or not I was literally worried sick.'

_House stands up slowly and grabs his cane. He walks to the back wall of his prison cell and stands for a moment before swinging round. He is clearly agitated._

**House:** 'Damn it Wilson! Why do you to this?'

**Wilson**: 'Excuse me?'

**House**: 'Why don't you just give up on me, I drove a car through my ex girlfriends House and injured you in the process! What will it take for you to just see me for what I am and stay the hell away from me!'

_Wilson looks at him for a moment, clearly thinking about what he is saying. His face curls into a smile..._

**Wilson**: 'You'll not get rid of me that easily. Man I'm on fire today with this phrase competition aren't I?'

_Despite himself House smiles and sits back down on the floor. He rests his head against the wall and closes his eyes._

**Wilson: **'So when I told you to let it all out and you aimed for the House with Cuddy inside and tore it to pieces, was that some type of clever symbolism?'

**House:** 'What?'

**Wilson**: 'You know like, hey I'm called House...she lives inside a House ...I can't tell her that she has destroyed me but I can do it symbolically by destroying her house...that'll teach the bitch and stop me having to use my words like a big boy.'

**House:** 'Ohhhhh I see. You mean like I'm the house and she's living inside of it, which symbolically is my heart and the car is our doomed love affair, which ends up tearing the house to pieces?'

**Wilson: '**Exactly'

**House:** 'No but nice try'

_House looks down at the piece of paper and then at Wilson as if he is debating something in his mind. He notices Wilson has focused in on the paper now so he turns it face down and continues talking._

**House: '**So what where you?'

**Wilson:** 'What do you mean?'

**House:** 'Well what did you think you where in this little master analogy you've concocted?'

**Wilson**: 'Nothing'

**House**: 'I thought you would say that, after all it's all about me and Cuddy right?'

_There's confusion in Wilson's face as he looks at House. House finally breaks the eye contac__t. He reaches for the piece of paper, hesitates a moment and then grabs it and quickly stuffs it into the envelope and licks the seal. He repeats the process with another letter. He then gets up and hands them to Wilson._

**Wilson**: 'Something you want me to give to Lisa for you?'

_House laughs out loud for a moment. Wilson begins to look confused again but says nothing._

**House**: 'Half right Wilson. There's one for you and one for her, don't get them mixed up whatever you do.'

_Wilson places Cuddy's in his suit jacket and keeps his in his hands._

**House:** 'NO Wilson, don't open that here, open it later. When you're alone.'

**Wilson**: 'You're starting to worry me House.'

**House:** 'I'm only just starting to worry you?'

_Wilson stares at House with a glint of fear in his eyes and House decides to try and soothe him a little._

**House**: 'Look...it's just...there's things in them that you both need to know, things I don't feel comfortable saying to your faces or out loud even... so... so stop acting like a girl and put it into your suit jacket, there can't be long left in your visiting time anyway.'

_Wilson obeys and then sits back down on the bench. He waits a minute and then speaks._

**Wilson**. 'You think you're going down for this don't you?'

**House**: 'No Wilson, I know I'm going down for this.'

_House leans his head against the wall again and closes his eyes._

**Wilson**: 'OH... MY... GOD!'

**House**: 'What!'

_House looks to see if Wilson has opened his letter but he hasn't._

**Wilson**: 'What if you get the Chair!'

_House relaxes back into the wall and begins to playfully berate his friend._

**House**: 'Jackass. I'm glad you find the prospect of me getting jailed up with a lot of criminals amusing.'

**Wilson**: 'You'll love prison House, you be like a kid in a candy store, it's a conveyor belt of fucked up enigmas for you to try and work out. Though just remember not to bend down in the shower.'

_Wilson looks at his friend expecting to see a smile on his face for the predictable phrase and for the shower joke but it doesn't appear. Instead House looks angry. Wilson decides to try and change the subject back to what happened_.

**Wilson**: 'If I drove a car into the House of every woman that I've screwed over or has screwed me over there'd...'

**House**: 'Not be a house left in the New Jersey area?'

_Wilson gives House his 'I hate you but I don't really' look._

**Wilson**: 'Something like that, though I feel you get my deeper meaning, without me having to actually say it.'

**House**: 'Oh the moral being when someone hurts you, you should take it quietly and calmy and like a man. You shouldn't lose it, see red and I dunno, break an antique mirror and start a bar fight over a billy joel song?'

_House takes out a harmonica from his pocket and begins to sing some of __**Leave a tender moment alone.**__ Wilson just stares at him incredulously, pinches the bridge of his nose and sits back down on the bench, letting House indulge in this action._

_**Even though I'm in love,**_

_**Sometimes I get so afraid,**_

_**I'll say something so wrong,**_

_**Just to have something to say,**_

_**I know the moment isn't right,**_

_**To tell the girl a comical line,**_

_**To keep the conversation light,**_

_**I guess I'm just frightened out of my mind,**_

_**But if that's how I feel,**_

_**Then it's the best feeling i've ever known,**_

_**It's undeniably real,**_

_**Leave a tender moment alone,**_

_**Yes I know I'm in love,**_

_**But just when I ought to relax,**_

_**I put my foot in my mouth,**_

_**Cause I'm just avoiding the facts...**_

_House stops the song abruptly and begins to speak_.

**House**: 'The moral of my story is we all get a little crazy when we think someone we love has hurt us, so cut a guy some God damn slack!'

_Wilson walks towards House and grips the bars. He presses his head close to the cool steel._

**Wilson**: 'You would sing it when there are bars between us to stop me killing you...touché House...touché.'

_House stands up and walks towards Wilson. He is suddenly serious again and Wilson becomes agitated at the change in his countenance. Only the bars now separate them._

**House**: 'James... I need to tell you that... that I...lo...'

**Policeman**: 'Dr Wilson that's time up.'

**Wilson**: 'Please, one more minute officer.'

**Policeman**: 'One more minute Doctor but that's it.'

_Wilson waits till the Policeman exits the room and then turns back to his friend._

**Wilson**: 'What is it Greg?'

_House stares at him for a moment; he lifts his hand up slightly and then places it back at his side. He speaks but his voice is soft and forced._

**House**: 'Just remember, the heart wants what the heart wants.'

_Wilson smiles at the over used phrase House has just said, not realising the double meaning. _

**Wilson**: 'You always have to win don't you. Goodnight House'

_Wilson picks up his jacket containing the letters and walks to the door. House calls to him in barely a whisper._

**House**: 'Goodbye Wilson.'


	2. Chapter 2

**Leave a Tender moment Alone part two**

_Cuddy is standing outside Wilson's place. She can hear Music blaring. She bangs on the door, waits a minute and then decides to shout over the music in case he didn't hear her._

**If the girl gets too close  
>If I need some room to escape<br>When the moment arose  
>I'd tell her it's all a mistake<strong>

**But that's not how I feel**  
><strong>No that's not the woman I've known<strong>  
><strong>She's undeniably real<strong>  
><strong>So leave a tender moment alone...<strong>

**Cuddy**: "James Wilson I know you are in there. You better open this door before I use it as an outlet for all my rage and frustration! House isn't the only one who can wreck things!"

_No answer_

**But it's not only me  
>Breaking down when the tension gets high<br>Just when I'm in a serious mood  
>She is suddenly quiet and shy<strong>

**Leave a tender moment alone**  
><strong>Leave it alone...<strong>

**Cuddy**: "You think I'm happy about this? Do you think I'm happy about the way this has all turned out? It's a bloody mess Wilson but I don't have the luxury of getting pissed and not turning up for work 2 days in a row."

_No answer_

**I know the moment isn't right  
>To hold my emotions inside<br>To change the attitude tonight  
>I've run out of places to hide<strong>

**Cuddy**: "And just in case you didn't get my meaning that means NEITHER DO YOU!"

_No answer_

**And if that's how I feel  
>Then it's the best feeling I've ever known<br>It's undeniably real  
>Leave a tender moment alone<strong>

**Cuddy**: "I'm still your boss by the way,"

_No answer_

**You got to leave a tender moment alone  
>Leave a tender moment alone<br>Leave it alone**

_Cuddy decides to drop her tone to a soft whisper._

**Cuddy**: "You are not the only one that's been kicked in the stomach by this!"

**You got to leave a tender moment alone  
>Leave a tender moment alone...[song fades]<strong>

_Still no answer but door clicks open for her to enter._

_Cuddy steps inside, it's dark and messy. The room smells of alcohol and old food. She turns to speak to Wilson who is unshaven, dishevelled and unclean looking. His eyes are also rimmed with stinging red and dark circles. She notices a bottle of anti-depressants turned over on the kitchen counter._

**Cuddy**: "You're reminding me of someone right now do you know that?"

_His voice is raw and breaking with emotion._

**Wilson**: "Don't Lisa, please don't..."

**Cuddy:** "Don't what Wilson? Mention him? Should we just forget he ever existed then and pray they put him away for a really long time? That's not the James Wilson speaking that I know."

**Wilson**: "Oh really well who knows who James Wilson is anymore? I sure as hell don't. Apparently though House has a pretty good handle on it, it's all written down in there."

_Wilson points to his letter which is lying crumpled on the table._

**Wilson:** "How I'm a selfish prick that's let him down when it really mattered. How I'm the guy who was divorcing one woman when we met and then married another two women during our friendship. I'm the guy that was burying the fourth 'love of his life' and not once in all that time noticed that House...that he...

_Wilson crumples down into a heap on the couch and sits legs stretched out and head down. He is so quiet his voice is coming out in barely a hoarse whisper._

**Wilson: "**Do you know what it's like to read something that someone you love has written and see yourself through their eyes? Well when its House's eyes you're seen through, you get to be a perfect mixture of an Angel sent from God and the devil incarnate...Lisa...this is killing me...

_Wilson looks towards Cuddy and lifts up his bottle of Southern comfort. He puts it to his __mouth, wipes some newly formed tears from his eyes and takes a long swig. Cuddy can only watch in understanding, pity and fear._

**Wilson**: "Now I understand. I understand why he was being the way he was all this time."

**Cuddy**: "House being in love with you didn't cause his infarction and drug addiction Wilson. He can't blame you for everything. He has _many_ other issues going on in that brain of his."

**Wilson**: "I know that and deep down he knows that to but this hasn't helped. Look at the state of me and it's only been two days."

_Wilson stands up and turns his CD player off._

**Cuddy**: "So Billy Joel eh? Thought you hated him?"

**Wilson**: "I do. I can't stand him or that stupid song of his."

**Cuddy:** "Then why were you playing it earlier on?"

**Wilson** "House sang a bit of it to me in the jail cell when I went to see him. At the time I thought he was just being his usual annoying self. I was trying to make out if the words...if he was trying to tell me something else through the song that's all."

**Cuddy**: "And what did you find?"

**Wilson**: "I hate the damn song so much I couldn't concentrate, so I gave up thinking and I took up drinking."

_As if to give wait to his confession Wilson takes yet another drink._

**Cuddy**: "Is that not the song that caused you to get locked up once upon a time?"

**Wilson**: "Yeah that's the one."

**Cuddy**: "And that's how you and House met wasn't it?"

_Wilson fidgets on the couch and becomes tense. When he speaks to Cuddy his voice is laced with annoyance._

**Wilson**: "Yip"

**Cuddy**: "And House didn't even know you and yet he bailed you out of jail and paid for a lawyer."

**Wilson**: "Don't"

_Wilson suddenly stands up. He walks to the organ and gently touches the top of it with his hand. This is something Cuddy can't help but notice and she smiles at the tender action. She decides to probe further._

**Cuddy**: "And now he's locked..."

**Wilson**: "DON'T!"

_Wilson storms past her into the bathroom and slams the door. Cuddy can hear him kick something. She is in a panic about his wellbeing but she feels that she must carry on with what she is saying for the sake of House._

**Cuddy**: "He's locked in a jail cell Wilson and he needs you, he needs both of us. We can give testimonies Wilson. Between us we can raise the bail money; we can call his shrink, show him the letters and see if he can get him time at Mayfield and some community service. We can..."

_Wilson re-emerges from the bathroom to face her. He is angry, agitated and tears are forming once more._

**Wilson**: "I can't deal with this don't you get that! I read that damn letter over and over again; it's all I've done since I opened it. He blames me for everything! He hates me! I'm literally a cancer that needs to be cut from him. I can't go anywhere near him not simply because I don't want to but because **he** doesn't want me to! Happy!"

He storms away from her to the kitchen and gets a fresh bottle. She angrily marches towards him shouting.

**Cuddy**: Happy! What bit of this do you really think makes me in anyway happy! "He blames me to! I don't get off easy in my letter believe me. I failed to notice that he was simply using me as his last chance of happiness apparently. You think that didn't hurt? But do you think I can just turn my feelings on and off because it did? I am still in love with him Wilson! So I know how he is feeling right now. I now know what it is like to love someone who doesn't feel the same back. Who can't possibly ever feel the same back! Believe me out of the three of us you have it easy in comparison.

**Wilson**: "I have it easy. I have it EASY LISA!"

_He walks over to the table and grabs the letter, he un- crumples it and begins to scan the page until he finds the section he is looking for. He then reads it to Cuddy out loud._

_**Wilson:**__ "If he only knew the disgusting and spineless truths that I now knew, yet I hope I never have to admit them to him. That I lay in that bath, never thinking that how I ended up there was all to do with saving my leg but rather more to do with only thinking of him. Only thinking that if he found me and if he saw another cry for help, then he'd be forced to have to try and rescue me again. He'd be forced to live with me again. Then I could try once more to make him see what he was always failing to. He was the first person I phoned as I lay in that bath. The only person I had wanted to phone. He never answered. Once again he wasn't there when I really needed him and he didn't even know it."_

_She sits down and looks defeated. She is emotionally exhausted from the argument they have been having and can do nothing but close her eyes and listen intently to what is being bitterly said by her friend._

**Wilson**: "You want more?"

_She is silent but instead of stopping Wilson it encourages him to keep going._

_**Wilson**__: "I was suddenly as angry as he had been pleading for me to be. Blind rage took over and I swerved the car around. I had put my foot down on the gas as I stared intently at him standing there with confusion in his eyes. In that moment I wanted him to feel real fear like I had done. I wanted him to taste real pain like I had done. Amber? Please! That was nothing to what I was going through. He needed to know that. He needed to feel it to. I accelerated so fast towards him I thought I was going to lose control of the car. It felt thrilling to be so reckless, to not care in that split second whether I lived or died. However even through all my anger I just couldn't bring myself to hate him as I'd have liked."_

_Wilson stops abruptly. He sits back on the couch and looks at Cuddy. He speaks through strained emotions once again._

**Wilson**: "My best friend of twenty years has just admitted to me that he is in love with me and has been for a very long time. He has admitted that he has been suicidal over this and yet all I can think is what a bastard. What a bastard he is for everything that's happened since I've met him because I don't know what is real anymore. He talks about all the ways he needs me, all the ways I've been keeping him stable and he hasn't realised how much that's the same for me. House was always the constant in my life, the one person I could turn towards to make everything feel less shitty and now it's all gone. That's it. Nothing will ever be the same between us again and to add insult to injury he thinks it is my entire fault. What makes it worse is the more I read that letter the more I begin to agree with him! I should have picked up on this sooner! Here!"

_He chucks the letter towards Cuddy and it lands on the floor at her feet. She slowly bends down and picks it up, not sure if she wants to see everything it contains or not. However she feels she must now read it since Wilson has given her permission to._

**Wilson**: "Read the rest of it to yourself. I can't physically stomach it anymore."

_He takes another swig of Southern comfort and lies back on the couch until she has read it. Sometime later he looks up and speaks._

**Wilson**: "Well?"

_Cuddy stands up and places the letter on the table. She lifts the bottle of Southern Comfort and takes a drink. She coughs a few times after doing so and scrunches her face up before picking the letter back up, sitting back down and coughing again._

**Cuddy**: "I don't get off lightly in this letter either."

_Wilson starts to dramatically laugh. It is a fake laugh, one designed with having a nasty point at the end of it. Cuddy inwardly braces herself for onslaught._

**Wilson:** "Well it would seem that's another thing he got right; it's all about you!"

_He reaches for the bottle; takes another drink of alcohol and slams it back down on the table._

**Cuddy**: "Oh I'm sorry Wilson, I forgot I was the only person who assumed it was about me...no wait... according to this, you failed to notice that little fact as well."

_They both sit annoyed and in silence for a few minutes, lost in their own thoughts. Cuddy then lifts the letter and begins to read from it._

_**Cuddy**__: "We are on constant loops we two. I'm the one on the loop of self destruction through mind altering and numbing substance abuse to block him and everything else that's not him out and he's forever thinking love is the solution to everything. The problem though is he never thinks it might be in accepting my love that the solution could lie for the both of us."_

_She looks at Wilson who is avoiding her eyes and staring towards the organ. She carries on reading, even although the next part is difficult for her to read again. This shows through her voice which begins to break up. Wilson notices this and his face softens slightly._

_**Cuddy**__: "I did love Cuddy, I thought she might be the one to help me block this out and stop it. She had become the only person I saw myself having a chance at a proper life with besides him. I was kidding myself. There I was struggling on one occasion to find something that interested us both, struggling to hold the sham together and Wilson glides in and hands me the knowledge that one of my favourite_ _novelists is in the hospital. He knew me inside out. He gets me, always had, always will. He had Cuddy beat and he wasn't even trying."_

_Again she looks at Wilson. This time he has met her gaze and looks like he is mentally pleading with her to stop. She carries on though because he has to hear it. They both do._

_**Cuddy**__: "All this pain, simply because I am in love with a man and I happen to need him like nothing else I've ever needed in my miserable life. Its scary loving someone so much that the thought of them not being here anymore far near kills you itself. I meant it when I told him if he died I'd be alone. If he died I'd be nothing."_

_She folds the letter up and puts it back on the table. She then looks towards Wilson once more. She has lost the emotion in her voice. She now sounds determined._

**Cuddy**: "He doesn't hate you Wilson. You should get from this that he could never hate you. Can't you see that? It's there in black and white. What he hates is the fact he was lying to himself and you all this time. He hates himself for loving you in the way he does.

_Wilson's voice appears exhausted and strained._

**Wilson**: "I. didn't. Know. How was I supposed to know?"

_She bends down next to him at the couch so they are eye level. She places her hand on his face and guides it until their eyes are meeting. She strokes his face gently and wipes away some tears from his face._

**Cuddy**: "Well now you do, so the question is what are you going to do about it?"

**Wilson**: "I can't be with House like that Cuddy...I..."

**Cuddy**: "I'm not suggesting you should but in spite of it you can still be there for him. You can be there when he needs you the most. If you do that then in time, you both might heal and move on from this. We all might."

**Wilson**: "What if it makes it worse? He says in the letter..."

**Cuddy**: "Forget the letter. Pretend that it doesn't exist just now. He says a lot of things. It's rash minded and desperate and these last few months so has he been. At least if you do this then in spite of everything you can say you have tried and you can put some of the demons from that page that are haunting you and him to rest."

**Wilson**: "I can't give him false hope. If he sees me he'll think I've accepted this and I'm not..."

**Cuddy**: "You're not sure."

**Wilson**: "What? No wait...

_Cuddy squeezes Wilson on the shoulder. She kisses him softly on the forehead and cuts his words mid sentence as she gets up and walks towards the door. _

**Cuddy**: "That is a nice Organ. No man has ever bought me anything as grand as that."

_Wilson turns to look at her. When he speaks he has confusion in his voice._

**Wilson**: "What are you getting at?"

_Cuddy just smiles at him and walks closer to the door. Wilson stands up and walks towards the door until he is standing millimetres from her. He takes her hand._

_**Wilson**__: "You could stay tonight?"_

_He leans in to kiss her and their lips touch for a moment. He places his hands on her hip and goes to deepen the kiss. Just as he does she shoves him away gently._

_**Cuddy**__: _"That would be a very big mistake and it wouldn't make this situation any easier. I am not what you want and you are not what I want Wilson. I need to keep at least one friendship fully intact this year."

_Wilson looks away from her._

**Wilson**: "Well this is embarrassing and awkward. Story of my screwed up life right now."

_Cuddy hugs him and then opens the door to leave._

**Cuddy**: "Get some sleep, stay away from the booze and read that letter again in the morning with a clear head. When you do read it, really think about everything House means to you."

_Wilson turns from her and walks towards the couch throwing himself down onto it._

**Wilson**: Goodnight Cuddy

**Cuddy**: "Be back at work in two days Wilson."

_She exits and then closes the door. Wilson begins to cry once more_

_The end...for now_


	3. Avoiding the Facts

Hey everyone I already have half of the next chapter written so I hope you enjoy this so I can post it. Let me know what you think. I'll try and post the next one as soon as I can!

**Avoiding the Facts**

_House,_

_I thought I would give you the same treatment you gave me. I don't mean that I'll try and run you down with my car sometime in the future (though that is definitely on my list of options), then write you the most unconventional love letter that has ever existed, just that I'll tell you some of the things I'm thinking and then we can take it from there I guess. Though right now I don't exactly know where that will be. _

_I really only have one thing that my mind is screaming for me to say to you as I begin to write this._

_WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU ASSHOLE? _

_No smart answers; you know what I mean. Why didn't you tell me to my face? Why didn't you tell me years ago? Why did you let this progress for so long; in love and in friendship? Did you only stick around in this relationship because you selfishly wanted something out of it? I don't mean your usual needy crap; I mean things like grudgingly putting up with my own awkward and annoying emotional problems through the years because you always had an end goal in sight that involved me in my underwear. You think that comment is ridiculous don't you? You'll be smirking at this right now and if you were here with me, even although the __**moment isn't right,**__ you'd be giving me a __**comical line**__ saying:_

"_Doesn't everyone put up with everyone else, male or female, in order to get something out of it? It's just the 'something' that varies and you are only offended Wilson because you've found out that the something is no longer just about your pancakes or our mutual love of monster trucks. It's about your body to."_

_Or maybe in your mind you're forming some snarky comment to say to me about the fact I think you've been lusting after me in my underwear. Maybe not though. See I used to think I knew you. Knew what you would say and do but I'm not so sure anymore. I'm not so sure about anything anymore._

_I have many more questions like the ones above but those will do for now I suppose. Anyway, my mind has suddenly cleared (might be something to do with the bottle of tequila I'm consuming at a fast rate) and it's guiding me into saying everything else that has been tormenting it since I ripped open your letter last Friday night._

_I'll get right to the heart of the issue. There's no use __**avoiding the facts**__ anymore I guess._

_You love me. You're physically attracted to me. You're my male best friend. You're in love with me._

_It's been really hard to digest the fact that you've been thinking about me like that for all these years. I've been going through every conversation, every look, drunken night on your couch and every marriage. I'm not repulsed by it. I don't feel violated like you are some dirty old perverted man, who has been brainwashing and grooming me at every opportunity without me realising it. I just feel confused. Like you do when people are laughing and you don't get the joke until a lot later in the evening when everyone else has gone. _

_You see the thing is I love you to. Of course I love you. You're my best and only real friend._

_House do you even actually get the fact that you have come to be the most important person in my life? Since the moment you entered it you have been. Until the moment I leave it you will be. I can't really blame you for doubting that though because I didn't even really think about exactly how much you mean to me until I read that letter and spoke to Cuddy. That letter killed me. Did you realise it would? Did you care that it would? All of those thoughts in it about me not being there and not noticing your feelings. It made me feel angry and ashamed. I don't agree with everything in it and believe me when I say I'm actually a bit furious about a lot of it. However just now there is only time for the essentials, so I guess we'll discuss its contents in more depth when we are both in a better frame of mind and circumstances are not as raw. One thing I do agree with though, is that I should have picked up on your feelings somehow. It could have saved a lot of pain from occurring. But I didn't. It never registered that you could feel anything for me romantically. Even in your most vulnerable states I could barely get a platonic emotion out of you that involved me. Or at least that's what I thought. I guess the more I have allowed myself to think about it, the feelings where always being displayed; in your eyes, in your smile and in your torment. In the ways you continuously sought me out. I should have seen it. I should have seen it. I genuinely thought though that you were probably indifferent to feeling anything at all for me. That was true up until the very last minute of our friendship. The friendship that ended when I eagerly ripped open that letter assuming that it would contain some unguarded feelings for Cuddy; feelings I could help you come to terms with. How wrong I was. You were right when you said in the jail cell about it being, 'all about Cuddy', for me. Me and Lisa have both realised you were right about that._

_I made a pass at her by the way._

_I don't know if you're pissing yourself laughing at this or you're just pissed off but either way I wanted you to know. I kissed her but nothing else happened because she was smart enough to realise I was drunk and would only be using her exactly like you had done. She could have agreed to sleep with me to hurt you and drive a deeper wedge between us but she didn't. She cares about you too much. She tried her hardest to convince me to get involved in the process of trying to free you. She's the reason why I was at that courtroom today and she's probably the reason why you're a free man tonight. She's also the reason why I've finally got the joke. Though it took me long enough didn't it?_

_The heart wants what the heart wants._

_And although I'm severely pissed off at you for various reasons (what's new right), and although as I finish writing this I still don't quite understand how exactly it has happened , i've still managed to come to my own __**undeniably real**__ realisation. One I won't keep from you for as long as you have kept it from me._

_My heart wants yours._

_P.S If in conversation with Cuddy __**do not**__ mention the excessive drinking I spoke about in this letter. I'm supposed to be off it and back to work. However this is not going to happen until I've saw you. So unless you want me to lose my job and/ or what little of my liver I have left, I suggest you make your way to mine as soon as you read this._

_Yours faithfully,_

_Wilson_

House stood alone in his apartment. He let his eyes linger for a few seconds on the yours faithfully of Wilson's letter before placing it back in the envelope, an envelope which had written on it, 'Do not open until home'. He then folded it, picked his cane up off the table, finished his beer and made his way towards the door.

The End...for now


	4. Best feeling i've ever known

**Hey thinking this might be the last chapter. I won't be writing for a while due to other things happening just now in life so although I feel this was kinda rushed I thought I would just post it to try and end the story. Anyway hope you like it!**

**Undeniably Real**

_Wilson's apartment: There is a knock at the door. He goes over and answers it. House is standing twirling his cane. They stare at one another for a moment not sure what to do until House decides to speak._

**House**: "So I'm a dirty old perverted man who's been brainwashing and grooming you?"

**Wilson**: "Wasn't _exactly_ what I said. Maybe you should read it again and use your glasses this time old man."

_House moves forward slightly and leans his arm on the doorframe. Wilson is leaning his back against the other side of the doorframe with his arms folded._

**House**: "And you made a pass at my hot ex girlfriend."

**Wilson**: "She_ is_ one hot boss and yes I did. I was drunk at the time though."

**House**: "And you said _my_ letter was cruel and full of revelations."

_House moves to go inside but Wilson puts his hand out in a stopping motion._

**Wilson**: "I hope you've brought alcohol."

_Wilson moves out of the way to allow him to enter. House awkwardly passes his friend at close proximity and their shoulders touch. He makes his way to the kitchen to grab a beer. Wilson follows him. House sounds worried when he next speaks to his friend but tries to mask it by facing away from him and continuing to rummage around in the fridge (even although the beers are close at hand)._

**House**: "You're still drinking then?"

**Wilson**: "Excessively. Don't worry about it effecting my decision making process though. I meant every word in _my_ letter."

_Hearing this House turns round and faces the Oncologist with beers now in hand. Their bodies are inches apart as the Diagnostician slowly hands Wilson the bottle. House begins to lean his head closer to Wilson but it ends when the Oncologist takes a sip of his beer and steps back quickly. He moves towards an individual chair in the living room. House follows, sitting on the couch. The Oncologist carries on the point he was making before there 'moment' had interrupted it._

**Wilson**: "Truth always comes out when you're drunk."

**House: **"I always managed to conceal it."

**Wilson**: " Sorry I forgot, everybody lies right?"

_He takes another long drink and leans back into a more comfortable position. His eyes are on the organ. He is avoiding looking at House. For a while nothing more is said. House decides the silence has gone on long enough and so carry's on with the 'small talk'._

**House**: "By the way I'm glad to see you have started to realise the wisdom in Billy Joel songs now."

_Wilson finally makes eye contact with the Diagnostician and smiles. House mirrors him and then takes another sip of beer as his friend begins to talk._

**Wilson**: "You got those little signposts then? I bolded them just in case you didn't notice. I'm really quite spontaneous and creative when I'm pissed it would seem."

**House**: "I'd like to see more of that."

_House turns away quickly and Wilson realises his friend has become self-conscious at what he has said. He could ignore it in the same way House was trying to forget it but he feels he should try and make light of the comment in order to make the diagnostician feel better. He moves onto the couch to sit beside him. The sudden pressure makes House snap his head round in shock._

**Wilson**: "Now you see before, I would have laughed at a comment like that from you and thought nothing more about it. Now I'm thinking, 'was that a come on?'

**House**: "What can I say? I'm just desperate to lust after you in your underwear I guess."

**Wilson**: "See I knew it. Just like I thought you would. You're all about the snarky comments aren't you House?"

**House**: "Well in that case you do still know me after all. In your letter you had me read like a book."

**Wilson**: "I must have accidentally skipped the, 'Hey Wilson I'm Bi', Chapter though. Pages were probably stuck together or something."

**House**: "Well that Chapter did have several pictures of you in your underwear in it so that explains the stickiness I guess."

_Wilson unexpectedly grabs his friends arm. He is not aggressive but soothing in his gestures. As quickly as he does so he pulls away. His voice still conveys the softness of the touch even though it is no longer there._

**Wilson**: "Why Greg. Why didn't you tell me sooner? I...I know this is going to be extremely uncomfortable for you to do face to face but even if it is only this once I need to have a full and honest conversation about what's going on in that head of yours and what you have been feeling. I **really** need that to happen"

_House shifts in his position and rubs his leg. He takes a long sip of his beer and now it's his turn to stare intently at the organ deep in thought._

**House**: "All right Wilson. Just this once... I'll try."

_They sit for some time in silence but there is no impatience from Wilson as he waits. Finally and without warning House focuses his piercing blue eyes intensely and intimately on brown ones. There is no escaping this gaze as he hoarsely begins to speak._

**House**: "I...I can't defend myself. I can't justify exactly why I didn't tell you every single time we sat here on a Friday night or had lunches together. I _really_ wanted to. I'm a selfish person though. I thought continuously about it and every time the negatives outweighed the positives. I always came to the conclusion that I'd rather have you in some way than not have you at all."

**Wilson**: "So what changed?"

**House**: "It got harder to lie. As the letter said I got more desperate and reckless as the years went on. It never helped that I had you and Cuddy on my ass all the time telling me things needed to change. After Stacy, when you got married or got a new girlfriend I got progressively lonelier and more worried I'd lose you. Then I realised the reason for this was because of how I...how I... felt... about you. After you picked Sam over me it was like it had came full circle. I snapped. I realised that if I didn't change something; things would keep going like this and I would end up with nothing eventually. So I changed it. I went for Cuddy. I would never have ended that; I would have done anything not to end up alone but thankfully for her she got rid of me. Then I had nowhere to turn. The last feasible relationship that wouldn't leave me lonely was gone. I went psycho for a while as you know, culminating in destroying Cuddy's House. It all seemed to click after that, that I couldn't do it to myself anymore. It's taken a while but I've finally listened to you and realised I can't do this forever. I can't be this person. It's exhausting. Changing things with you for good or for bad was my first step towards... normalcy. And I know you knew nothing about any of this but I still felt like I couldn't do it to you anymore either because whether you knew or not you were still ultimately feeling the effects of it. Your bandaged arm and the extra wrinkles at the corners of your eyes are the visible evidence of that. The things I was doing would only begin to get better if I disappeared or if the truth came out and although you might not believe me, I was thinking of you when I made the decision to leave rather than tell you. You might think that with that letter I was dropping this revelation on you simply because I blamed you or had started to hate you. You might think I was doing it and it was selfish because for you ignorance was bliss until I decided to ruin it. Why would I risk what we had and destroy that for you right? You have to understand though, that I was ruining our lives anyway; both of them; And Cuddy's by not telling you. I realised this when they caught me and I knew I'd have to face you and her again. You got it right? That the letter wasn't really a letter but was my thoughts? I was sending it to Nolan until you walked in the jail cell. When you did I knew I had to give it to you instead. If I didn't make that choice the pattern of destruction with you and Cuddy both getting caught in the crossfire would just keep escalating. When I gave you that piece of paper I need you to believe me when I say that it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do but it was the right thing to do. I finally felt like I was doing the right thing with regards to me and you. As I sat in that cell alone and wondering what you were going through reading it , I had a strange mixture in me of feeling heart wrenchingly bad and yet amazingly good. As for the other questions from your letter I'll answer them now. I knew it would hurt you to hear it; I did care that it would; Realising I was in love with you hit me like a tonne of bricks; I was in it before I could get out and by then I was trapped. I should have told you much sooner but to quote Billy again, 'I was frightened out of my mind'; I didn't realise half of how you felt about me before I read it in your letter; I need you to now forget half of what I said about you in mine because it's suddenly void and I'm ashamed of most of it now. However whatever you need to talk about from that letter we'll talk about, one day not now;"

_Wilson sidles up next to House who on finishing speaking, sighs like he has lifted a great weight from his shoulder. He puts his head down and is concentrating intently on the floor. The Oncologist gradually rests his hand on the Diagnosticians knee. He speaks quietly and soothingly once more to his friend._

**Wilson**: "I appreciate this I do, but you've still unnecessarily messed things up along the way for the people who care most about you House and for yourself as much as anybody. That is something not easily forgiven or forgotten."

**House**: "I know. Believe me I know."

_They sit in silence for a few minutes until Wilson moves his hand away from the older man's knee. At the loss of contact House is moved to speak._

**House**: "Is that okay or do you need more from me?"

**Wilson**: "That's okay House; it's okay. Consider it closed. Finished."

_Wilson grips him on the shoulder then punches his arm. It is clear he is uncomfortable in the various ways he has had to touch his friend whilst giving him support. House looks downcast as he thinks about the uncomfortable body language and Wilson's reproachful words after his own speech. His voice is low and weak as he addresses the Oncologist._

**House**: "So we're not friends anymore? Now that it's all out there in the open is that it then? Are we... done?"

_The Oncologist goes to speak but stops and tilts his head slightly as House's words sink in. He rubs the back of his head then in the boldest move he had made that night; takes his friends hand in his own and rubs it gently with his thumb. He then attempts to speak once more._

**Wilson**: "What? No. House I told you I love you in that letter and you're not sure if we're friends anymore?"

**House**: "You said in the letter the friendship was over. I assumed that despite your feelings and because of everything that's happened, we were breaking up the duo and becoming... colleagues."

**Wilson**: "I'm sorry we are not all as straight down the line in letter writing as you are. I worded it vaguely. I guess the friendship hasn't ended then it's... mutated, though that makes it sound like something evil."

**House**: "Well it is. It's done this to us."

**Wilson**: "Brought us together?"

**House**: "And completely screwed us up in the process."

**Wilson**: "No the friendship didn't do that the love did."

**House**: "The love came from the friendship though, that's what mutated out of it remember?"

**Wilson**: "Like a gremlin? Then are you saying we should never have fed it?"

**House**: "Yeah you fed me pancakes and vicodin; I fed you neediness and look what's popped out."

_Wilson smiles at the diagnosticians words. He tenses though as House slowly begins to lift the mess of joined hands until they are at his mouth. House closes his eyes and lightly presses his lips over the back of the Oncologists shaking hand. They rest there for a lingering moment before he moves their entwined hands back to their previous position. He looks at Wilson who is blushing slightly and House in response smirks at him and rolls his eyes._

**Wilson**: "What are we going to do? I hate sitting here and feeling weird like this. In 20 years I haven't felt like this then BAM! It's like first date nerves. It's you though. It's ridiculous...and if I'm honest it's kind of creeping me out."

**House**: "Yeah you know what else? Unlike all the nurses you can't bullshit me into thinking you're some dashing noble Prince charming Doctor who's going to sweep me off my feet and never let me down or cheat on me. I know all your weaknesses and I know all your flaws."

**Wilson**: "And now I know all of yours."

**House**: "Really takes the pressure off doesn't it?"

**Wilson**: "What do we do? I need to know what we do now."

**House**: "Wilson you are the longest and most successful relationship that I have ever had and it hasn't even technically started yet. Think about everything that has happened since that night we met; good and bad; when we've been rich and poor; in our sicknesses and in our health. We're already in a lifelong commitment Jimmy. The only thing we need to do now is to keep going as we are because if we continue to screw things up badly along the way, or you cheat, or we fight or I leave, we'll eventually come right back again. It's what we do. It's maybe even how we've been made by that God person you've been suckered into believing in."

**Wilson**: "What about the...you're ignoring the obvious...the intimacy. We can't really have all of that without it and I don't know exactly how intimate I can make this. I want to be able to but if I'm being honest I don't know how far I can push that yet or how long it will take."

**House**: "I've been more intimate with you tonight than with any woman I've ever screwed. Sex is just Sex. I know you're a soppy romantic but you're still a Doctor so you should realise that. It's a lot of biological processes combined but it's not love. It doesn't come close to what this is right now and to what it's always been. Since the moment you entered my life you've annoyingly become everything to me but if you ever tell anyone I said that I'll deny it and then kill you."

_Wilson ignores the humour of the last comment and continues his own thought process out loud._

**Wilson**: "House I'm terrified that if I don't at least kiss you tonight then this won't ever happen."

**House**: "So kiss me. We'll call it a scientific experiment. You can see what your thoughts are after it. You pulled away from it earlier on though so are you really sure you're ready for it just now?"

_Wilson stares at him for a few moments then squeezes the hand of his friend. He then nods twice, no words able to escape his trembling lips as he looks down to the floor. Slowly House breaks the contact of their hands and moves towards the Oncologist until there is no more space between them. He can feel his friend's breath quietly but rapidly rustling through his stubble as he slowly rests his hand on the side of the Oncologist's face. As he moves Wilsons face even closer to him, his own breathing begins to increase as his heart heaths in his chest. Wilson's eyes are closed and his head is still downward. This is what adds to him jumping in a startled motion when he hears House's voice so close and firm commanding him._

**House**: "Keep your eyes closed, don't think of me as being a man, don't think of me as being that jackass best friend that's slowly driven you crazy for two decades; don't think at all. Just really feel this and then you'll definitely know."

**Wilson**: "I thought you said I should be thinking right now not feeling?"

**House**: "I lied..."

_At this he quickly pulls the Oncologist towards him and their lips fiercely touch. Wilson breathes in like he has been winded as House wraps his arms tightly around his friends neck and deepens the kiss for a moment but then quickly pulls away from it eager to know his immediate thoughts. They are both breathless as House speaks._

**House**: "How...How... do... you... honestly feel about that?"

_The Oncologist just stares blankly at House for what seems like an eternity, however it isn't long before he finally speaks._

**Wilson**: " Billy was right."

**House**: "What?"

**Wilson**: "It's the best feeling I've ever known."

_At this House pulls Wilson into a bear hug. He rests his chin on the Oncologist's head and breathes out as he looks up to the ceiling. Wilson's voice is muffled as he speaks._

**Wilson**: "You're not crying are you?"

**House**: "You must have me confused with someone else. I never cry ...I'm leaking...you must have onions in the kitchen or something."

**Wilson**: "Ohhh...okay...that makes sense."

_House dry's his eyes with his sleeve and then pushes Wilson away from him._

**House**: "Speaking of onions go and order me something that contains them, I'm starving and it's your responsibility to feed me now"

**Wilson**: "It's always been my responsibility to feed you."

**House**: "Then get a move on."

_Sometime later the sound of the TV is muted as they finish the last of their beers and food. There is an awkward silence as the laughter generated from House's joke finally dies down. House stares at the clock and then at Wilson._

**House:** "Time to go"

_House gets up and walks towards the door. Wilson follows him. As House puts on his coat Wilson quietly watches. The door is opened and as quickly as it is, it is shut again by the Oncologist._

**Wilson**: "I don't want you to go. I want you to stay with me."

**House**: "You sure?"

**Wilson**: "Very, but no funny business just yet"

**House**: " Will I get to see you in your underwear?"

**Wilson**: " Hmmmm...yes"

**House**: " Will I get to see you without your underwear?"

**Wilson**: " Maybe"

**House**: " Good enough"

_Wilson walks towards House and slowly removes his coat placing it gently back on the coat stand. He then kisses him deeply and as he is doing so takes the hand not holding the cane into his own and begins to lead him towards his room._

**The end**


End file.
